Monster Coffee Beans behind the deaths of hundreds of morning drinkers.

Beans produced in the synthetic production fields of the South Pole have been diagnosed with a rare nanomorphologic disorder believed to be a byproduct of negligence on behalf of the EPA’s Polar Farming Initiative. It has been reported that effected specimens are capable of evasive maneuvers when subjected to pre-brew grinding. The international space station has confirmed that infected Beans have been observed fleeing pulverization at negative rates of velocity exceeding the speed of light. Hundreds of unfortunate morning consumers are believed to have been engulfed by a matter consuming by product, deemed The Negative Stir, when subjected to escaping beans.